[Day 29] Staying focused on my goals

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This concept of time has been weighing on my mind a lot and I needed to hash out some things in my blog. So here I am, just got off of work and settled in back home and my first thought was to blog because I felt like I was getting distanced from my Desteni material. I get wrapped up in so much in life that I tend to lose focus, even of things I am passionate about. I have learned that commitment trumps passion everytime, and I am certainly committed to a world that is best for all.

With having a full-time job, pursuing further education (although, not in a structured way, rather I am teaching myself to program), hanging out with friends, taking care of life’s smaller responsibilities (so many showers, so little time), and of course investigating myself with the tools Desteni has shown me, it is always up from in my mind how little time I seem to have to ever do all the things I want to do. So, instead, to practically support myself, I am forgiving myself for not getting everything done and also being more realistic about what I can do and what I don’t have the time to do.

I would like to explore two words here: focus and goal. By exploring them, I can get a better sense of how to apply them in my every day life, and also what to expect of myself as I apply them. So here it goes…

Focus. This word conjures up images of eyes, like a wolf’s, whose determination, grit, and resolve speak to the dedication and commitment he has towards his master plan. The wolf is eyeing his prize: a fresh, meaty carcass. Mr. Wolverine has also found the carcass and is ready to put up a fight for it. Although a crafty fighter, the wolverine’s speed and agility is not enough to win this time. The wolf has already envisioned eating this tasty meal tonight and now has but a single objective in his mind. This if the kind of focus I desire to have, the kind that is starving and is looking at a meal – the likes of which I haven’t seen in days. I want my mouth to water as I fixate upon my goals.

I also think of meditation, as I once participate in the practice, I very much enjoyed emptying my mind of thought and focusing on my breath. This focus was something that I would sway from, but I would bring my attention and awareness back to my breath in the moment as it escaped me, and the longer it went on, the more amazing it was how incredible I felt with my ability to focus on something. Focus is like staying on one timeline. The further I get on this timeline, the more rewards I will reap. But, if I jump from timeline to timeline, I will never specialize within a timeline for I will have split my energy far too many directions. I will get burned out way to easily and I will not feel too happy with my results.

Goals. Suddenly I am reminded of uncomfortably peppy and disgustingly motivational moments of my school years where teachers would talk about setting goals, and I see why there is a disdain within me for the word. It’s like setting goals for the sake of setting goals! Perhaps I am too hard on them, maybe they really just wanted to see me succeed, but there is a reason that their “do-good” attitude didn’t stick with me as they intended. Goals are basically landmarks, milestones, achievements, prizes, rewards, points of success, and a time for celebration. They could be group goals, family goals, work goals, personal goals, goals between two people, soccer goals.. lol.

I can set a goal for myself as something that I can agree would improve my life and the lives of others. Every goal should benefit all people – though, this could be tricky to validate. I don’t exactly have access to every single person on the planet to ask them. Although, I can use common sense and say “If I write my blog tonight, it will help me become a better person who will help others with their journey as it helps me with mine.”

Some self-forgiveness statements below.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with not having the time to do everything I want to do. It seems like every night I force myself to go to sleep to get just enough sleep in time for work the next day because I stay up late trying to do what I want to accomplish.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay up late at night, I am certainly a creature of the night, my circadian rhythm is definitely attuned more with nighttime, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be this way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lost as to “what to do next” because at any moment I feel like there is more than just one thing that needs to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to “do it all” when I am just one man, trying to survive in a tough world, and I can’t do it all. What I can do is this: agree to what is practical in each day, or each week, set small goals for myself, and focus on getting things done by the time I agree with myself to get them done. Most important is that I do not be too hard on myself for not doing other things outside of what I have agreed upon, because there’s just too many things to do. That is why agreement is necessary in order to stay focused on only certain things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset with myself for wanting to play a video game but instead watching a movie. I realize this sounds kind of funny and that I am lucky I can even make that choice, but it seriously messes with my head because I want to do both!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making goals for myself because I just want to take each day as it comes, but I know that goals will help me to remember the big picture and it will help me stay grounded in practical terms.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted by all the great things on the internet too easily and want to just browse Reddit instead of doing blogging or DIP Lite or learning programming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up because I get flustered with all the “other” things that enter into my head, instead, I commit myself to stay focused on a practical amount of things at once so that I stay grounded and I will not lose control of my life.

[Day 28] Frustration with die-hard believers

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I have become frustrated today with people who brought up Christianity, god, heaven, the bible, etc and it has left me with a deeply-felt emotion of despair. One of them even went so far as to say he was “ready to go” (talking about heaven) and that nothing we did on earth mattered. Knowing within myself that he was wrong, just as the Desteni message has voiced, I tried to reason with them but it fell on deaf ears as it usually does. How can people be so attached to the Bible that they will shape their worldview on it, irregardless of their own personal realizations, if any. What will it take for them to realize that we must fix what is here? Is letting go the best method for coping with these people – which happen to be nearly every single friend and family member?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to struggle with hearing other people’s perspectives on Christianity, god, heaven, the bible, etc. I realize that I am witnessing a being trapped in their mind, enslaved to a system of control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to change these beings, change their perspective, to show them the truth even when they spit their fake-truths at me in order to “save me” because they legitimately do not want me to go to hell. I realize that they have their noble causes but are misguided.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be worried about religious people who are trapped in their mind-consciousness system, like we all are, but also in the religion construct with is a system of control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel helpless in encounters with religious people who instigate debates on god and religion because I have been in so many, and every single fucking one of them is fucking awful to experience. It is the worst. They simply will not attempt to understand what I am trying to tell them, about dimensions, about being HERE, about systems, about self-trust, about the history of mankind series by Jack through the interdimensional portal. It falls on deaf ears. I avoid these debates, yet every now and again I get sucked into one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about whether these people will change. I can only change myself, in the end, I am responsible for myself and no one else. Yet, how can we make it to Oneness if even a single being is left behind? This is why I worry – because every being counts, yet being after being after being I encounter is so stuck in their religious programming, their spiritual experiences, their traditions, their way of life — they are not interested in changed. The only way they will change is through death. Then, in the dimensions, they will walk their process. If they cannot face themselves and come to equality and Oneness, I suppose they will cease to exist.

So, in the end, whether we make it here on earth or in the dimensions, our experience will compound until we inevitably face ourselves and must decide on how to proceed. I mustn’t worry so much about changing people, for I can effect change through changing myself.

[Day 27] The things I don’t do are just as important as the things I do

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so engrossed in my linear timeline and trying to accomplish so much, so fast that I forget to be aware of the totality of the situation – which is that for everything that I am doing, there are many (infinity – 1) things that I am also not doing. Within this, it is essential to understand that being wholly self-directive is to consider that which I deny myself as one and equal with that which I accept and allow.

With learning to program recursive functions in PHP, building a website for a client, devoting 40+ hours a week to my job, physical therapy, going to the gym, finding time to chill and relax, chores, and other life duties, it can be a little difficult to get up and face myself through blogging and reading Desteni material. Imagine if I had a family to support – the mind boggles!

A pattern I have noticed in myself is that I love to complete tasks as efficiently and quickly as humanly possible. Whether I was playing WoW, waiting tables, running the copiers, or typing code, I enjoy the thrill and reward from accurately getting the job done blazingly fast. This, I have learned, is the road to ruin if continued. As I have developed physical injuries like RSI of the wrist and thumb, spinal subluxations, muscle tightness, etc, I have learned to correct these elements through awareness and corrective application. Huh, sounds a lot like the 7 year journey to life!

I have been on vacation from work the last few days, and will be until Tuesday due to a wrist injury at work. Yeah, I got hurt and it sucks. But I have been filling my time with programming (being careful with my wrist) and as the day goes on, a flood of thoughts continue to pound my mind of all the other things I could be doing right now. For instance, I could/should be watching a programming tutorial on YouTube (there’s so many!), I could/should be networking with people, I could/should be working on my client’s website instead, I could/should be blogging in my blog, I could/should be outside!

Ugh, so much backchat. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty because sometimes the backchat is right; maybe I should work on my client’s website (but I am ahead of schedule and have a few weeks left still).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to entertain the backchat within my mind that aggravates me into feelings and emotions towards doing something else than what I am doing. I realize that this is not self-directive control over myself, instead it is “the whispers of the Devil” trying to “tempt me into sinning”. Sorry, the analogy works here, though.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lured into separate mind realities in which I envision myself performing a new task than the one I am currently working on, and instead I will focus on be present in each moment, breath by breath, and stay focused on the task at hand, being aware (of course) of future due dates and the like, yet (important) not being led by my emotions into completing future tasks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty, like a father abandoning his child, when I am concentrating on one thing and when a new thing pops up in my head, not going through with it because that would require stopping the first thing. I realize that quantum time exists, but I do not know how to experience it, therefore I am stuck in this linear time until I can escape it. With that, I can only do one thing at a time. So, I must prioritize, and I must live with knowing that sometimes not doing something may mean that I will never actually do it. I can’t do everything!

Therefore, I wanted to just write out my frustrations as of late, about all the things I want to do yet cannot do because time doesn’t allow it. So as I go on about my life and I am stuck at work (oh how I begrudgingly accept being “imprisoned” for 8 hours a day), driving in my car, or working on a project and a thought pops up, I commit myself to giving the thought a firm, decisive place in my life: either no, I will not do it, yes I will do it now, or yes I will do it later. I can use this function of my mind to assist me, or it can overpower me. I will choose to be in control of my own life.

[Day 26] Doing my part

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Celebrities never really appealed to me, they always seemed so fake and distant. I’ve been watching Mr. Robot and I love this show! Watching the cast Q&As and the Emmy acceptance speech, oh and reading the Executive Producer’s Reddit AMA – I realized just how down-to-earth and normal these particular people are. And that was inspiring.

I’ve been feeling pretty bummed about work lately, and to see people I can relate to so much become so successful is truly a mood lifter. I am currently on light duty at work due to a wrist injury last week. I am also doing physical therapy to rehabilitate my wrist, but it is still injured and I will go see my doctor about it tomorrow. This is all at the same time that I have been looking forward to a new position opening up now for more than 6 months, which I plan on applying for as soon as it opens. But to my dismay, it is still not open. I come home from lifting boxes of paper and being on my feet and doing deliveries and my whole body aches every day and I dream of a new job.

So in the meantime I have been working hard at learning web development at a higher level so that I can make an income from it. So far, it has been going very well and I will continue with it – it makes me happy and I feel that I am taking control of my future. Though I may not be a brilliant actor like Rami Malek and get to work with stunningly beautiful girls like he does, I see myself in Rami’s character ‘Elliot’. A lot of people do, as I have been reading online, and also he really crosses the 4th wall in the show and connects with the viewer in ways I have never seen a TV show do before. Super interesting show and people running it.

I guess I just wanted to blog again because I feel like the knowledge I have gained with Desteni and the tools I have applied to myself make me “special” like so many other people are “special” in their own ways. I know I am only an individual, equal and one to everything, but right now I do not feel that I am in a position which allows me to create my full potential, and that’s a little depressing.

Huh, I guess I should start considering who will be reading these blogs. Not that I am saying anything incriminating, but I’m really just allowing anyone a view into my thoughts and feelings and reactions. But I guess that is the point of sharing this blog, so others who can relate can see my process out of the mind and into awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to injure my wrist at work, causing my job responsibilities to shift to others while I am on restricted duty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to push myself physically in order to fulfill my job requirements, past levels I am comfortable with because I need to keep my job in order to survive. The repetitive nature of some of my tasks require diligence in proper lifting techniques and also doing things slower.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am just not physically cut out for such heavy work and that I would be better suited for a desk job, with a computer. I am certainly a computer person, I love programming and designing, and I can also be social and adventurous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset with myself for not being where I want to be in life. I dream big dreams and rarely achieve them. My new dream is one that is more reasonable – to become a web developer. Besides, this dream will be a source of income.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slip into the mindset of “live to work” instead of the way it should be: “work to live”. Those hours Monday – Friday, 6am – 4:30pm are incredibly taxing on me but I stick with it because that’s what I got to do. But I try to remember that I accepted this because the alternative in my head isn’t much better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the Desteni material makes me special, because I found it while others haven’t. All that does is perpetuate the haves vs. have nots, and that is the antithesis of my desire. We all play a role, we all have individual expressions, we all contribute ourselves to the collective that forms the world we exist in and every single person’s actions have ripple effects into other people’s lives. That is how Oneness works, there is no separation. Either we all make it, or none of us makes it. I am just doing my part.

[Day 25] Pain: how I am managing and what it has taught me

relax-on-a-hammock-swinging-bed-at-the-indigo-bay-island-resort-bazaruto-island-bazaruto-is-a-sandy-island-located-approximately-80-km-southeast-of-the-save-river-mozzambique-1Currently, I have chronic pain in my feet and hands. As I am only just 28 years old, some people have a hard time accepting that I suffer from real chronic pain. My doctor is making me put in a lot of effort to get pain meds. Yet, I have no choice but to heal myself as much as I can and continue – what’s the other option? Die? No thanks, not yet.

My ailments are RSI (Repetitive Stress Injury such as Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and “Texting Thumb”) in the hands and Plantar Fasciitis in the feet. Essentially, this constant, physical pain I endure is caused by overuse in conjunction with less-than-perfect posture/support/positioning. I would like to mention that these types of problems are on the rise across the globe and for good reason: we rush through our lives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush through my life, my week, my day, the hour, and the moment to get to the next to get to the next. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the mind, within time, within worry, within anxiety, within the future, within the past, and not to stop my mind to take in the moment completely for what it is in full awareness. Instead, I am too busy thinking, thinking, thinking, wondering… always rushing in my thoughts. It’s fucking exhausting. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exhaust myself mentally, straining myself physically, and for being a “productive member of a [sick] society”.

My best friend, a year less than I, has it worse-off as far as his chronic pain. I have actually learned a lot from him, most importantly that doing home therapy for yourself is OK, it is accepted, it is not just for old people. We both swim a lot, we go camping – we are physically capable of great things, but we are both correcting our behavior by creating new habits that do not cause the issues we face. As an example, we both played computer games to very high levels, requiring 40+ hours/week, very fast and fine motor control (mouse and keyboard), sitting for hours upon hours in a chair. This, plus our manual labor type jobs, our fun activities, and for my friend – the Army, all played parts in contributing to RSIs in our hands. We ice them, we stretch them, we take good care of ourselves, and we watch how much we exert upon our hands because we now know the fragility of ourselves. In a way, it has been a gift. It has opened my eyes to the world of the physical, the world that endures where the mind falls short. Nothing short of STOPPING our old patterns and starting helpful, beneficial ways of living for ourselves will ever fix us. So we took the only choice we really had – to change ourselves. For this, I am grateful.

I was reading a story today by David Graeber (article) and he made a very clear and well-written point, the best I’ve heard yet actually, for why we shouldn’t be working 40 hour work weeks, among many other great points he made. And he went on to say regarding the status quo on direct-impact occupations: “You can see it when tabloids whip up resentment against tube workers for paralysing London during contract disputes: the very fact that tube workers can paralyse London shows that their work is actually necessary, but this seems to be precisely what annoys people.” That really spoke to me, because I have always taken great pride in my work, wherever it was, because I loved working with the physical, directing myself to move and create things in the moment which has a direct impact on people, immediately. And as it goes, generally such “blue-collar, manual labor, entry-level, grunt-work jobs” pay low. Yet for some reason, taking a day off was always very difficult, or missing one deadline was always a disaster. Oddly enough, I was always in high demand and constantly needed. This is true for lots of people in the workforce, especially if you consider whether their job is able to be outsourced to AI soon or not.

The point I am making is that I have reached a cross roads of pain and pleasure. The pleasure I get from activities that require dexterity, stamina, agility, quickness, etc are now having to be weighed in comparison to the pain index for the eventual outcome of such routine tasks. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about equality in every moment, in every way. Equality exists in pain and pleasure, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek pleasurable activities with disregard for pain. I will continue to battle my pain symptoms but I commit myself to recovering and having learned a valuable lesson in the meantime.

[Day 24] Side effects may occur on the path to sobriety

day 24 white dragon.jpgWhat is sobriety? Does the image of a once unkempt man now in a button-up shirt and slacks come to mind like it does to me? If you are to probe your own mind to see what your mind sees as the definition of the word sobriety, what do you find? Perhaps you see a heroin “junkie” shooting up under a bridge downtown but now she’s your civil and polite neighbor next door who is getting her life back on track. Of course these are all true scenarios, but I want to explore this thought further down the rabbit hole . What is it about sobriety that scares the living hell out of me?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fear of sobriety due to memories of past drug use that I will never be able to forget and thus, never be free from knowing how good I felt while using them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have urges for chemicals to alter my mind, to change my biology, and to induce euphoria because nothing else has proven to feel as good as certain drugs feel.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself worry and stress about writing this article specifically about drugs, even though it has played a huge role in my life and also in the lives of many people, and should not be afraid of talking about for the betterment of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to live in a decriminalized country like the Netherlands so that I could actually work through my process faster to get to the point of no use.

Drugs are chemicals, legal and illegal. Weed, nicotine, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, SSRIs, benzos, opioids, psylocybin and DMT are all the same to me – drugs. Further, they really are just chemicals that interact and change the systems in our body, which could be said for dopamine and serotonin too. So in that regard, I will refer to the collective bunch as mind-altering substances (MASs). Good, now that that is out of the way, back to the point of the post: sobriety.

We as a totality of humans are far from sober that I have to wonder if anybody is really sober at all. The fluoride in our water is virtually unavoidable according to the Center for Disease Control  and there is ample evidence that effects the brain. Lately I have been going to the doctor for medicine to control my tics and anxiety and just recently threw away a bunch of pill bottles, some empty, some still full. We have been trying new drug after new drug to find one that works for me, and nothing is working. I was receiving a pain relief medicine from a different doctor for my plantar fasciitis and it has been wonderful as I expected. But as my supply dwindles and my options fade, I again have to face the reality that I am all too familiar with: where am I getting my next fix?

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be on prescription medicine for my ailments which I have convinced myself are too painful or too obnoxious or too difficult to live with without a MAS.

I realize that I am just simply at a point in my process that I have come face to face with my need for these things in my life which is opening up the question: why?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try so many MASs in an effort to alleviate my pain in my life and to find a pill that will solve my problems that will not really go away unless I take directive control over my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being sober because I am so accustomed to the highs and lows, the ups and downs, that I am not sure how to live in a constant state of levelness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like  I need a MAS to keep me calm in a busy world because my breath does not seem like enough support, or rather my attention is unable to stay focused on my breath for longer than 5 minutes and thus I do not get the full effect as if I focused on it all the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require coffee most mornings, planning on it the day before even, sipping on it for a few hours, and having never missed a morning coffee at work in the past 2 years.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself worry, stress, anxiety, and fear over wondering what I will do if my vape breaks and I have to go without it for a little while, probably to go get a new one the first change I get, but still, I would be panicking internally until I went to the store the first chance I could.

Currently I have been prescribed 2 new medicines that I have already decided I will not take again, after just two days. The side effects were too awful to bear. I’m talking massive, unrelenting headache, terrible stomach pain, dizziness, seeing light swirls, jaw clenching… just awful shit. On top of it all, it can cause a Serotonin Storm which I have already experienced once in my life and that is the only time I have gone unconscious and been rushed to the Emergency Room. Now I am back to where I started again, which is still in pain, still have tics, and wanting illegal drugs because all the legal drugs aren’t working. Except the Tramadol, it works, but my doctor doesn’t want to keep prescribing it.

Maybe it is a wake up call that I need to focus harder on breathing and grounding myself, maybe I should wake up tomorrow and go out in nature to watch the sunrise. Maybe I need to get good enough at web development that I can work for myself and make enough money for the life I dream of. Perhaps I just haven’t found a good MAS yet to get me through this point in my process to being sober. Is it possible to being completely sober, without external influences? I think so, if we take directive control over our entire life than external influences will be something we allow or deny. The difference is, that if we deny them and then we let them effect us still, that is not having control. That is not being sober.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not having complete and total control over my life which is evident by my dependence on MASs in the past and in the present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow MASs to enter my life and enter my bloodstream by choice and disguising it as something I just had to do or as something that I didn’t want to do but came up with a reason to allow it anyway so that I could feel good about myself for doing it when I knew I shouldn’t.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think so much about MASs and their effects on me, the memories I have made with them, my desire for them and for new ones, and what their significance is. I find them fascinating in so many ways and I want to explore them even more, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so interested in them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be free of the grasp of addiction to MASs, of the feelings they provide, or the experience it gives.

I commit myself to just being more aware of my self directive principle in all moments, but especially in regards to MASs. I will be extra careful to understand where my starting point is when I begin a new MAS or with existing MASs. I will love myself and I will do what is best for me.

[Day 23] Daily discipline gets me further than motivation and passion

wolf-eyes-focusedI am at a point in my life that is approaching what some might call “middle-age”. Truth be told, that is a concept of the mind, as we are all surely aware that death can come at any time, even past 100 years. That is far too long in the future for me to look, and so I bring my focus to here, this present moment in time, as we mind-trapped beings perceive time. Sidenote: I would fucking love to experience quantum time within the dimensions, that’d be amazing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be trapped in my mind consciousness system and within that I am also trapped in perceptions of time which I view as immovable, so therefore I am forced to be a slave to time. I forgive myself for being anxious about work tomorrow, knowing each passing second is one step closer to having to wake up early, yet ironically, one step closer to getting off of work and returning home too.

Within my life lately I have had a maturing of my outlook on life even in ways that my fuck-the-system, rebellious spirit can be proud of. I have learned that in this physical reality, projections of the mind will conflict with actual outcomes. What I mean by this should be obvious, but let these words serve as a reminder: Hard work pays off. We are at a point in existence that our nonchalance and lack of self means only one thing, that our directive control over our own lives has been disguised behind false dichotomies and illusions. Hard work here does not necessarily mean you need to break into sweat, standing in the hot sun, toiling over machines — although it is a very grounding experience like gardening. Instead, it’s synonymous with commitment, discipline, and frequent action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of stomach-wrenching disgust for the words “commitment” and “discipline”. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate these words with “authority” and “school” and being a child again with rules being forced upon me causing me to “act out”. Instead, I commit myself to seeing the word “commitment” and “discipline” as something I am doing for myself and therefore no one else is externally forcing these things on me. I will direct these words towards myself, instead of accepting and allowing these words to be directed at me. In this way, I will leverage them to best support me and others.

Writing this blog is an aspect of that discipline that towards a better life. Indeed, it is a tool or instrument, like so much else, to create myself as life One and Equal, as I truly wish to do. Learning to code websites is another thing I have been working on with great results and success, due to the time I put into it, the energy I pour into my time, and also the passion and drive I have for writing great code. It is possibly part of my pre-programming that I am so enthusiastic about this, or maybe it is because I know I can make great money doing it professionally. Whatever the case, I see the results for myself and they do not lie. If I continue to pickup where I left off each day, if I stay disciplined, and if I will continue working on my training – web development, Desteni I Process, Journey to Life, birthing myself from the physical, physical therapy, all the things going on in my life right now – the future will be mine.