It’s a busy world “out there”. Funny that I would say that, because in actuality I do sometimes view the world as external, not part of me, separate even. When I have to wake up early in the morning on certain days I don’t want to go to work, and I do my job (which is a job I happen to like a lot), the realization that I am putting myself in the system, playing its “game”, makes me chuckle to myself because I dream of another world entirely different, with magic animals, funky houses, flying with the birds, traversing space and time, saving the princess, and epic quests. Then I see reality, here, and can’t help but think “is this all you have to offer?”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view the world as something external, while the physical world is very much stable and more reliable. My mind creates imaginative fantasies to cope with the bland, dull, repetitive reality I perceive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view this reality as bland, dull, or boring. I am more than capable of finding and researching new things via the internet to spark my interest and to fuel old desires or to discover new ones. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts of grandeur, like sci-fi stories I know or like games I have played, which upon inspection, are not physically possible in this world. I know this, I accept that Terminator, Warcraft, and Grandia will never come to life and they will always exists as stories. Now, I instead focus on my life here
The first step to achieving the life and world I want is nothingness. As Bernard said, this 7 year journey to life blogging is aimed at reaching a point of nothingness. From there, we can create a world that is best for all. I would like to learn more about what nothingness is, what it means, how to know what to look for when you’re getting close to that point. The first thought that comes to my mind is nirvana in Buddhism. It can be interpreted as “non-self” or “emptiness”. Nirvana can also be interpreted as “absence of the weaving of activity of the mind” and “the elimination of desire”. I gained all this from Wikipedia, so I hope it’s correct, but it sounds similar to things I have heard before.
Going with this further, nothingness reminds me of the times I spent meditating by myself, in a non-spiritual way. When I meditated (I really should get back into it), I would sit in a lotus position, straighten my spine, focus on my breath, spin my chakras, and let the thoughts leave my mind. Many times, the feeling of emptiness I felt afterward was incredible. It’s like the Desteni material says – people are afraid that if they stop the mind, they will stop existing! It’s not so!
I can still remember a seemingly random event in my life while playing a game with friends in Arizona as a kid. We were going door-to-door asking neighbors for random items on a list (such as a lightbulb, a Coke can, an old shoe) and without warning I experienced something that forever changed me. While walking to the next house, I took a step back from my mind and witnessed my being. I truly felt like I was outside of my body and my mind, I was the very being inhabiting this human vehicle. Ever since then, I do it quite often now, but not all the time. I get nervous to write about this because I’m afraid somebody will shut me down and tell me how that is impossible, or not real, or I only “think” that I did that. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear to control me when speaking about personal experiences that only I can see, hear, or talk about. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become nervous to speak up about “odd” or “taboo” subjects even in my own personal Journey to Life blog which is designed to free myself of these restrictions. I am, in fact, freeing myself right now by doing self-forgiveness on this point. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “buy in” to the system so much that I have to choose my words carefully so as not to upset certain people who may find what I have written. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have doubts within myself about my own experiences, colliding with information from knowledge I may not fully comprehend, and going against the social norms of the system in place that “shuns the non-believer”.
When the mind is busy stirring, blogging your way to nothingness is the best thing you can do for yourself. Today, I learned that.