This concept of time has been weighing on my mind a lot and I needed to hash out some things in my blog. So here I am, just got off of work and settled in back home and my first thought was to blog because I felt like I was getting distanced from my Desteni material. I get wrapped up in so much in life that I tend to lose focus, even of things I am passionate about. I have learned that commitment trumps passion everytime, and I am certainly committed to a world that is best for all.
With having a full-time job, pursuing further education (although, not in a structured way, rather I am teaching myself to program), hanging out with friends, taking care of life’s smaller responsibilities (so many showers, so little time), and of course investigating myself with the tools Desteni has shown me, it is always up from in my mind how little time I seem to have to ever do all the things I want to do. So, instead, to practically support myself, I am forgiving myself for not getting everything done and also being more realistic about what I can do and what I don’t have the time to do.
I would like to explore two words here: focus and goal. By exploring them, I can get a better sense of how to apply them in my every day life, and also what to expect of myself as I apply them. So here it goes…
Focus. This word conjures up images of eyes, like a wolf’s, whose determination, grit, and resolve speak to the dedication and commitment he has towards his master plan. The wolf is eyeing his prize: a fresh, meaty carcass. Mr. Wolverine has also found the carcass and is ready to put up a fight for it. Although a crafty fighter, the wolverine’s speed and agility is not enough to win this time. The wolf has already envisioned eating this tasty meal tonight and now has but a single objective in his mind. This if the kind of focus I desire to have, the kind that is starving and is looking at a meal – the likes of which I haven’t seen in days. I want my mouth to water as I fixate upon my goals.
I also think of meditation, as I once participate in the practice, I very much enjoyed emptying my mind of thought and focusing on my breath. This focus was something that I would sway from, but I would bring my attention and awareness back to my breath in the moment as it escaped me, and the longer it went on, the more amazing it was how incredible I felt with my ability to focus on something. Focus is like staying on one timeline. The further I get on this timeline, the more rewards I will reap. But, if I jump from timeline to timeline, I will never specialize within a timeline for I will have split my energy far too many directions. I will get burned out way to easily and I will not feel too happy with my results.
Goals. Suddenly I am reminded of uncomfortably peppy and disgustingly motivational moments of my school years where teachers would talk about setting goals, and I see why there is a disdain within me for the word. It’s like setting goals for the sake of setting goals! Perhaps I am too hard on them, maybe they really just wanted to see me succeed, but there is a reason that their “do-good” attitude didn’t stick with me as they intended. Goals are basically landmarks, milestones, achievements, prizes, rewards, points of success, and a time for celebration. They could be group goals, family goals, work goals, personal goals, goals between two people, soccer goals.. lol.
I can set a goal for myself as something that I can agree would improve my life and the lives of others. Every goal should benefit all people – though, this could be tricky to validate. I don’t exactly have access to every single person on the planet to ask them. Although, I can use common sense and say “If I write my blog tonight, it will help me become a better person who will help others with their journey as it helps me with mine.”
Some self-forgiveness statements below.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with not having the time to do everything I want to do. It seems like every night I force myself to go to sleep to get just enough sleep in time for work the next day because I stay up late trying to do what I want to accomplish.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stay up late at night, I am certainly a creature of the night, my circadian rhythm is definitely attuned more with nighttime, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be this way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lost as to “what to do next” because at any moment I feel like there is more than just one thing that needs to be done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to “do it all” when I am just one man, trying to survive in a tough world, and I can’t do it all. What I can do is this: agree to what is practical in each day, or each week, set small goals for myself, and focus on getting things done by the time I agree with myself to get them done. Most important is that I do not be too hard on myself for not doing other things outside of what I have agreed upon, because there’s just too many things to do. That is why agreement is necessary in order to stay focused on only certain things.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset with myself for wanting to play a video game but instead watching a movie. I realize this sounds kind of funny and that I am lucky I can even make that choice, but it seriously messes with my head because I want to do both!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making goals for myself because I just want to take each day as it comes, but I know that goals will help me to remember the big picture and it will help me stay grounded in practical terms.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted by all the great things on the internet too easily and want to just browse Reddit instead of doing blogging or DIP Lite or learning programming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up because I get flustered with all the “other” things that enter into my head, instead, I commit myself to stay focused on a practical amount of things at once so that I stay grounded and I will not lose control of my life.