Celebrities never really appealed to me, they always seemed so fake and distant. I’ve been watching Mr. Robot and I love this show! Watching the cast Q&As and the Emmy acceptance speech, oh and reading the Executive Producer’s Reddit AMA – I realized just how down-to-earth and normal these particular people are. And that was inspiring.
I’ve been feeling pretty bummed about work lately, and to see people I can relate to so much become so successful is truly a mood lifter. I am currently on light duty at work due to a wrist injury last week. I am also doing physical therapy to rehabilitate my wrist, but it is still injured and I will go see my doctor about it tomorrow. This is all at the same time that I have been looking forward to a new position opening up now for more than 6 months, which I plan on applying for as soon as it opens. But to my dismay, it is still not open. I come home from lifting boxes of paper and being on my feet and doing deliveries and my whole body aches every day and I dream of a new job.
So in the meantime I have been working hard at learning web development at a higher level so that I can make an income from it. So far, it has been going very well and I will continue with it – it makes me happy and I feel that I am taking control of my future. Though I may not be a brilliant actor like Rami Malek and get to work with stunningly beautiful girls like he does, I see myself in Rami’s character ‘Elliot’. A lot of people do, as I have been reading online, and also he really crosses the 4th wall in the show and connects with the viewer in ways I have never seen a TV show do before. Super interesting show and people running it.
I guess I just wanted to blog again because I feel like the knowledge I have gained with Desteni and the tools I have applied to myself make me “special” like so many other people are “special” in their own ways. I know I am only an individual, equal and one to everything, but right now I do not feel that I am in a position which allows me to create my full potential, and that’s a little depressing.
Huh, I guess I should start considering who will be reading these blogs. Not that I am saying anything incriminating, but I’m really just allowing anyone a view into my thoughts and feelings and reactions. But I guess that is the point of sharing this blog, so others who can relate can see my process out of the mind and into awareness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to injure my wrist at work, causing my job responsibilities to shift to others while I am on restricted duty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to push myself physically in order to fulfill my job requirements, past levels I am comfortable with because I need to keep my job in order to survive. The repetitive nature of some of my tasks require diligence in proper lifting techniques and also doing things slower.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am just not physically cut out for such heavy work and that I would be better suited for a desk job, with a computer. I am certainly a computer person, I love programming and designing, and I can also be social and adventurous.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset with myself for not being where I want to be in life. I dream big dreams and rarely achieve them. My new dream is one that is more reasonable – to become a web developer. Besides, this dream will be a source of income.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slip into the mindset of “live to work” instead of the way it should be: “work to live”. Those hours Monday – Friday, 6am – 4:30pm are incredibly taxing on me but I stick with it because that’s what I got to do. But I try to remember that I accepted this because the alternative in my head isn’t much better.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the Desteni material makes me special, because I found it while others haven’t. All that does is perpetuate the haves vs. have nots, and that is the antithesis of my desire. We all play a role, we all have individual expressions, we all contribute ourselves to the collective that forms the world we exist in and every single person’s actions have ripple effects into other people’s lives. That is how Oneness works, there is no separation. Either we all make it, or none of us makes it. I am just doing my part.